are they butterflies or vomiting cramps? not sure.

that reminds me of butterfly boucher

I'm not sure what to do with myself. First day off work, and I'm all nervous and unproductive. I really need to find another job soon.

una de mis favoritas canciones: "No tengo dinero":

Voy por la calle
De la mano
Platicando
Con mi amor
Y voy recordando
Cosas serias
Que me pueden suceder
Pues ya
Me preguntan
Que hasta cuando
Nos iremos a casar
Y yo
Le contesto
Que soy pobre
Que me tiene que esperar

No tengo dinero
Ni nada que dar
Lo único que tengo es amor para amar
Si así tu me quieres te puedo querer
Pero si no puedes ni modo que hacer

Yo sé
Que a mi lado
Tu te sientes
Pero mucho muy feliz
Y sé
Que al decirte
Que soy pobre
No vuelves a sonreír

Yo quisiera
Tener todo
Y ponerlo
A tus pies
Pero yo
Nací pobre
Y es por eso
Que no
Me puedes querer

No tengo dinero
Ni nada que dar
Lo único que tengo es amor para amar
Si así tu me quieres te puedo querer
Pero si no puedes ni modo que hacer!!

Everything I am learning right now is focusing on one question that I have always debated: what is the point of our man-made civilization and why should I endorse it? I keep seeing similarities between myself and Ike in Faulkner's "the Bear," Nick in Hemingway's "Big Two-Hearted River," and (if I could be so bold) also with Leonardo. What the fuck? If there are so many great writers out there contemplating the same thing, then there must be some sort of conclusion or perhaps just a hypothesis to lead the rest of us in the right direction, unique and inspired living. Perhaps I am taking my homework too far? Fuck, no, I do care about this. I want to know if this shit matters, because right now, nothing attached to this world of production and disposal makes any sense to me. Am I so outside my own culture? I think that's why I'm so interested in cultural anthropology- as an outsider to myself perhaps the choice is selfish self discovery. Oh well, in the end, we all die and replentish the earth with our nitrogen and carbon. Might as well make this interesting.

by the way, life update: I've quit my job as a kitchen worker and now it seems that my only source of income is bellydancing. I think my dreams are coming true. :)

I hope all is well

cultural anthropology.

fuckin' A.